I am not the sad girl anymore. No, I am more than that. I am strong and caring. I am both confident and insecure. I am simultaneously one of the kindest and meanest people you will ever meet. I am ugly, I am beautiful, and I am bursting with fire. I am home to strange and brilliant thoughts. I am heavily flawed and I am still good enough. I am so much, and I will never allow myself to be reduced to a single word again. Even when I am sad, I am still so much more. I am not the sad girl anymore. No, I am everything.
I firmly believe in small gestures: pay for their coffee, hold the door for strangers, over tip, smile or try to be kind even when you don’t feel like it, pay compliments, chase the kid’s runaway ball down the sidewalk and throw it back to him, try to be larger than you are— particularly when it’s difficult. People do notice, people appreciate. I appreciate it when it’s done to (for) me. Small gestures can be an effort, or actually go against our grain (“I’m not a big one for paying compliments…”), but the irony is that almost every time you make them, you feel better about yourself. For a moment life suddenly feels lighter, a bit more Gene Kelly dancing in the rain.
I don’t want to be “sort of dating” someone. I don’t want to be “kinda hanging out” with someone. I don’t want to spend a lot of energy suppressing my feelings so I appear uninvolved. I want to be involved. I want to be sleeping with someone I know I’ll see again because they’ve already demonstrated to me that they’re trustworthy and honorable — and into me.
You did not love me,
You just loved the fact that I was here for you.
You loved the attention I gave you,
You loved the fact that I would drop anything for you.
You did not love me, but god,
I loved you.